I could honestly write a book on the adventures we enjoyed with David and Mary Laing. Two delightful people, David is worth ‘Googling’ as he is a very important man. Mary’s achievements are less public.
David has who is a senior liveryman in The City had invited Liz and I to a Mansion House Function in which we would meet The Lord Mayor and his wife and enjoy a piano recital. This recital was given by The Lord Chief Justice who was a concert level pianist aside from his ‘day job’. Hugely impressive.
The instructions were clear meet at 7 for 7:30 at The Mansion House-black tie. Liz had accompanied The Laings to the event and I was to join them. Now working in The City it is quite normal to attend a Black Tie dinner. I always feel uncomfortable walking around in one but if there is one place where you don’t get a second glance it is in The City. We had been busy and as I changed I realised my timing would be tight.
Arriving at the side entrance of the mansion house I passed through a security scanner and entered the main hall where a large crowd were enjoying evening cocktails. My heart sank. I was the only man in a DJ.
Now in the City of London there are a lot of people who are arrogant. To be absolutely honest they are so far up their own backsides the light of day has disappeared. I would meet many of these people in my business life and what marked most of them out was a behaviour whereby when it suited they would greet you but when it didn’t, and this often would happen when they were in the company of their own arrogant mates, they would totally blank you.
As I stood there like a rabbit in the headlights I noticed a goodly number of these characters staring at me. Some of them grinned, one caught the sleeve of his friend and pointed, both of them giggled. I thought of running back to the office to change but my watch confirmed ‘too late’. At the moment of maximum despair a tall thin woman in a long dark blue dress, pearls around her neck appeared. She put on the pair of glasses she was wearing on a chord around her neck and producing a clipboard she enquired ‘are you with the mayoral party, could I have your name’. I obliged and she ordered me to follow. I glanced back and saw one or two more of the ‘upthemselves’ laughing. We climbed a grand staircase and stopped out side some large double doors. I noticed a man dressed in a DJ pacing up and down his hands making movements in the air. I had a sense of relief and approached him and blurted out something like ‘ I see you have the wrong dress too’. The woman pulled me away and in a scolding way informed me the man was the soloist ‘visualising his performance’ oops another cock up.
The doors were swung open and an amazing site greeted me. A positive overload of colour featuring a sort of central dais where the Mayor and his wife The Lady Mayoress stood chatting with some guests. There were men in fine uniforms of liverymen leaders and a sprinkling of military uniforms too. I gulped. A foot man stepped forward and asked my name. In a booming voice I heard ” Mista DANIS EDJA” or words to that effect. Certainly not my name. I stepped forward and shook the hand of the Mayor and his first lady. I quickly discovered at that level small talk was not my strength. I quickly began to flounder. Thankfully Mary Laing rescued me and led me off to join Liz and several others.
We ate two course of food and we were instructed to move down stairs to an assembly room. We could see through to the main room where the cocktail drinkers were now seated. A stage at the end of the room had some very fine seats elevated above a grand piano. The footman boomed out ‘form in twos and process’. The mayor at the head we assembled and on a further announcement demanding the audience ‘be upstanding’ we set off. It was a slow march accompanied by a slow hand clap from the audience. All very weird. As luck would have it the tall woman was at my side-perhaps she was my minder. A bit further back Liz looked lovely with a military man offering her his arm. The first few halting, embarrassing steps, changed into a sort of strut. I flashed a winning smile at any woman who caught my eye. After a few rows I noted the first of the ‘upthemselves’ who clearly had a realisation as he sort of waved at me. Half way down the room and loads of them were now trying to ingratiate me in some way by smiling.
On the stage The Soloist appeared and a woman with a cello joined him. The concert began- desert was to be enjoyed after the concert. From our elevated position overlooking the main audience I had an excellent view of proceedings. The music was by someone Russian I never of. His visualisation paying dividends the man played for around an hour apparently without error. Although you would need to be a musical maestro your self to notice if indeed a note was missed.
As I became bored I played a game which after a while became great fun. Identifying an ‘up themselves’ I would look straight at them until my stare was returned. Normally the recipient of my stare would offer a grin in a cheesy sort of way, one or two hand waves came my way. I offered in return a thin lipped movement that confused all. Was it a grin or a grimace? looking confused they would look away. Honours even!
It was a very interesting night and one of the results of the experience was that from then onwards I was treated with a good deal more respect from the ‘upthemsleves’ than before. Not sure I cared though!
Tales of a Life Well Lived 