Motor Bikes

Back in the early 1990’s I worked with Chris Caramel who was a former Royal Marine. Indeed Chris had won the Sword of Honour as the leading officer in training. Educated at Malborough School he was a truly remarkable man. He was the most prolific ‘Ladies man’ I ever met. He would refer to ‘big Ed’ as if ‘it’ was a family friend. No-one took offence indeed most women were utterly charmed by his open direct approach to ‘light and fun’ as he termed it.

Anyway one day he came into the office and asked me what I was doing at the weekend. I was unsure as to what was coming next but I declared availability. ‘We are going to get our motorbike licences’ he said. At nine O’clock one Autumnal Saturday morning there I was with Chris and a motorbike courier, who had been caught by the police for driving for several years without a licence. The three of us in the same group.’What ever you do’ said Chris don’t tell them, as was the case, you have never ridden a bike before. ‘That way we will have to do the long course and that will takes several weeks’ By 11 :30 we had called passed the CBT preliminary exam and we set off around Central London on 125 cc bikes with the voice of our instructor in our ears. Terrifying to begin with this ‘super crammed’ course made rapid progress. By the evening we were exhausted but allowed to take the bikes home. I rode from Wimbledon around central London then up the A1 to my home in Harpenden-I was late for a dinner party. The following morning up at first light I set off for Wimbledon and another intense day followed. The next day when I woke (we had taken the day off work) my destination was the motorbike testing office in Croydon. Somehow I got there and took my test. ‘Congratulations Mr Elliott, you have passed” I looked the examiner in the eye. ‘Do you honestly mean to tell me that although two days a go I had never ridden a motorbike I can now go out and buy and ride something that will do 150 miles an hour”. He looked me in the eye and said ‘yes” !!

On passing the test Chris took me to the nearest motor bike and ordered me to buy a crash helmet. ‘Show some conviction’ he said. I did and I started reading the various motor bike magazines of the day. On the from of one was a silver Honda 750 VFR. It was beautiful with two square headlights. The strap line of the advert said, ‘look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me’. I was smitten.

I ordered a bike from a shop in Watford and a few Saturdays later I turned up with my helmet to collect it. I had no leathers so my first stop was the clothing department where I bought leather jacket with square shoulders, a pair of leather trousers with protective inserts and a pair of leather boots. Now the thing was I needed to wear them to ride my bike on and rather like the little boy in the shoe shop I asked if I could keep the gear on. Credit card out job done. The thing was I forgot to take off the labels and as I headed awkwardly and nervously to the bike section of the shop a wild looking man approached. ‘Hello’ he said ‘I am Mike’. Whats your name? “Dennis I mumbled” Mike was 6 foot something tall he had a cropped tee shirt with tattooed well muscled arms and a head of wiry hair curled into a top knot. He looked every inch a ‘proper biker’ and he was very intimidating. ‘How can I help you?’. I mumbled rather nervously that I was in the shop to pick up a VFR. The shop was very busy full of ‘proper bikers’ who clearly were visiting their ‘church’ to see what was what. ‘Heh boys’ he announced to the shop. This is Den he has come to pick up the VFR” and in doing so he indicated the front of the shop and standing here in all its glory was my bike. The sun was out and it looked beyond wonderful. I gulped. Before long I was out side surrounded by ‘fellow’ bikers all of whom were cooing at my bike. Mike gave me a run down of the controls, none of which entered my scrambled brain. I was desperately aware of the labels on my leathers blowing in the wind. He handed me the keys and posed one final question. ‘Tell me Den what bike did you ride before this one’?. I racked my brain for something credible but nothing came. Sheepishly I huskily admitted that ‘this was my first bike’. He looked at me and countered with ‘ you mean to tell me that you have never ridden a proper motorbike and that you have gone out and bought a Honda VFR 750- a pause coupled with incredulous looks from the assembled throng- grasping me by the shoulders in a proper bear hug he uttered the following phrase I will never forget-“Fuckin Cool”. the crowd lined up to high five me and soon I climbed on to the beast and somehow I wobbled off down the road to cheers and messages of goodwill. Now fully ‘qualified’ my first ride on the thing was actually up the M1 from Watford to Harpenden.

A month or so ago now I was thinking of my motor bike adventures and obviously affected by my current mental state in these uncertain time I bought BMW GS 1200 an absolute beast of a bike. I don’t know if Mike is still in the trade but I do so hope he would have approved of my purchase and just maybe he would have awarded me further ‘cool points’- no-one else has!